NOW THAT YOU WANT TO MARRY | A FEW POINTERS by Ayo Sogunro
Getting married, as someone has pointed out, is easier than getting a driver’s license. Consequently, a whole lot of people “get married” without much thought. However, the consequences of an accidental marriage are far reaching to the individual than unsteady driving. When we say, “accidental marriage”, as used in this paragraph, we mean, that you have not sat down and thought out the factors we’ll discuss below. You are probably only interested in marriage as the last stage of a romantic relationship—like a degree certificate. But marriage is more than just a destination, it is hard work. This article is not intended to scare or alarm you, but hopefully, to serve as a practical guide. Of course, life as a couple is better than being single, but a single person is far better than an unhappy couple. This guide is meant to help you become a happy couple or at worst, a happy single.
By itself, and even in the best of situations, a marriage is a problematic contract. It features the difficulties of having a business partner, an employee, and a boss all combined together in one transaction—often without any pay. Even worse, you cannot terminate an unfruitful partnership at will, sack the irresponsible employee on the spot or leave the cruel boss at a moment’s notice—without risking severe social, religious, and legal censure.
Naturally, marriage involves these social, religious and legal commitments not just to another individual, but also to that other person’s lifestyle and life choices. It reduces your own individuality and it also limits your personal growth. You will become forced on numerous occasions to choose between investing in the marriage or investing in yourself. Whichever decision you make in such circumstances, something will definitely suffer.
All these considered as a whole, marriage is generally best avoided.
Assuming, of course, that you have the will and inclination to enter into a marital contract, irrespective of the preceding cautionary paragraphs, then you have to be very particular about the person you intend to get married to. Ordinarily, without any marital involvement, this person should be someone you would eagerly hire, theoretically to fill the following positions in your life: business partner, consultant, guidance and counseling officer, career advisor, best friend, house help, handyperson, confidante, emergency number, loan agent, personal physician–an endless list of practical requirements.
This individual you plan to marry will be someone whose presence you can tolerate at all times. The person is going to be in your face—night and day. Your personal space will be taken up by this person when you are not at work or outside. This other individual has to be a person with whom you are naturally in sync with. You do not have to agree on every point, but you should understand each other well enough to resolve issues easily. Remember, you plan to make a lot of little and major decisions with this person for several decades. You will have to make decisions such as your wedding venue, names for the babies, a school for the children, the location of your apartment or house, the colour of your curtains, the style of your sofa, the décor of your bedroom, how you spend your income, your attendance of extended family events, your sexual habits and routine, your attendance at religious events, your level of interaction with the opposite sex, and a million other tiny little things.
For more, visit the original writers blog