Friends vs Lovers for a successful Marriage

A successful marriage begins with friendship, goes through courtship, marriage and then back to friendship!

So how do you have a friend?
As a sister, Annabel walked down the road, her mind was stormy and depressed. This is in contrast with the calm and unusual tranquil weather. Every step she took down the road was punctuated with deep seated sighs. What is her problem? She feels something is wrong with her because nobody is proposing to her and age is no longer on her side!

On the other hand, Brother John too is so worried that he is almost bending over. What is his problem? He is angry with all the so called sisters because he has proposed to thirteen girls and each of them gave him a nail,the nails were so painful. It was as if all the girls all had a meeting on him.

Mr. & Mrs Ezeh have been married for two years, but their marriage has turned into two strangers living together because they left the all important ingredient of friendship out of their marriage. They thought marriage is automatic mode, sorry,
it is still manual; technology has not improved it and will not improve the original manual God gave us.

The first two scenarios are issues that bother on cultivating friendship the right and healthy way. Never forget this fact, how to get a friend is more important than how to get a lover. Lovers don’t drop from the sky; they are made from friendship as the foundation. Loving is a process that should start with friendship.

Don’t fall in love with someone who is not your friend. It is not advisable to toe the line of ‘love at first sight.’ Why? You can only love who you know! You might have some body chemistry at first sight, but certainly it is not falling in love like we normally allude. Love is a spiritual entity that happens not just on the intellectual realm but on the emotional and spiritual realms as well.

When you have a one –night stand with a stranger, it is nothing but lust and lack of discipline. You don’t even know the person and yet the moment you are sexually involved, your histories become intertwined, afflictions and demonic influences are exchanged and dangerous habit creep into your life after such reckless sexual encounters.

Some ladies fall in love before trying to find out about his character and flaws. So many young ladies with great destinies have jeopardized their future by getting involved with the wrong person. Stop falling in love with a stranger on Facebook! It is not ideal. Get to know the person 1st. There are so many marital casualties today as a result of unguarded and careless relationships. Profiles, timelines and twitter pages cannot be used as conclusive decision on marriage!

Ladies, don’t wait till you are head over heels in love, with flying butterflies in your tummy before probing who he is. You should find out a lot when you are first of all friends before becoming lovers. That is why friendship is very important. You would have seen enough traits that will help you make up your mind about who you want.

Sisters, have friends. That is where relationship will develop from. If you don’t have platonic friends, then you are left with strangers to approach you and most of the time when strangers come, they are looking for sex. That is why most sisters would say things like “it is always unserious people that approach me.” The question is do you have friends?

For guys, become friends first before you make your intention known. Do you know there would not be issues of ‘nails’ or rejection because you are already friends? She would simply tell you ‘No’ politely because she would not want to offend her friend!

When you are already in love without friendship, the likelihood is that your feelings for him will block every form of reasoning and sense of judgment. You know he drinks, but you don’t care. You know she smokes, but you close your eyes. There are some character traits you can watch out for while just friends.

It is a simple principle of “make the tree good and the fruits will be good.” A guy can’t make a good husband if he doesn’t have a good character.

As married couple, you need to know your friendship begins all over again after marriage. You must consciously work at being close and not allow career or any other thing to drive you apart. Find hobbies that will bring both of you together. Watch films together. Play games together. Go swimming together, send love texts to each other daily and have sex regularly. Do things together and the devil will have no loopholes to cause confusion in your marriage.


Anita C Herbert shared on her facebook page

About cknaija
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