Man : Hunter/Gardener part1
There have been many books and theories of men being Hunters and women being preys that love being chased, unfortunately or fortunately I’ve not read them, if I had perhaps I would be biased, but I have heard the theories, and it seems to be popular, and lots of women especially in Nigeria have accepted this, after all it removes the responsibility off them making wrong choices, since its the man that is supposed to do the chasing and if he does not chase, his loss…
Lots of people also quote scripture to buttress their points, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing” (proverbs 18:22a)a famous verse, putting the onus on the man too find, hence man being active while woman passive. But the book of proverbs is an insightful book, and reading in between the lines, one needs to understand, the context, the ‘he’ being referred to was not specific on tribe or religion, or even character, it was a generalization on men, so even if the ‘he’be an armed robber and even if the wife be a prostitute, as long as he finds her and she becomes his wife, he has found a good thing and would obtain favor from The Lord ?
I am not here trying to rubbish years of tradition, culture, beliefs… I’m just sharing an opinion on how I see this definition of man by society and even religion, the fact that we have been doing things in a particular way does not mean we should continue especially if we are not getting the desired results
The problem I noticed with the man hunter women prey philosophy is simply this
If men are hunters, what happens when they get their prey? Do they stop hunting? And if women are prey, what happens when they have been gotten?
Marriage is seen by many men and women as the end of the hunt, so if in relationship the guy called 10 times a day, said I love you 20 times a day, took her out to new exciting places, devoted his attention on her, never missing an opportunity to show his love,now married, a whole new ball game, calls maybe once a day(if at all), says I love you once a month/year, does not take her out to new places (if at all), no more attention, and forgets important anniversaries … The woman on the other hand, has been wired to believe she needs to be hunted, and now that the hunt is over, depression sets in, no more chasing, except from outsiders but not from her husband and this may be the reason why many married women fall prey to adultery and also the reason married men looking for new preys to hunt also become adulterous
Man as a hunter has done more harm than good, same with women feeling they have to be chased or play hard to get, building walls hoping for a guy that really cares to break them down, but yet all they get, are wrong guys who pretend to care, cus all they are really interested in is the thrill of the hunt and their prey collection, nowadays most men don’t see marriage as the end of the hunt, they see sex as the end of the hunt and since many ladies nowadays also desire sex before marriage, the hunt is much more easier
That’s the problem, solution I profess, we should stop encouraging men to be hunters claiming its normal, same with ladies believing they are passive preys in a hunt game
Man was not created to be a hunter, according to the creation story, he was created to be a gardener, he was meant to till the soil and tend to the garden, take charge of the resources God blessed him with
And it was not his duty to find a wife , his duty was to be busy with The Lord and the work God gave him… Ladies… Forget all the rule books, psychological self helps, think like a man act like a lady, etc. if you want to know the guy, he would be busy on the reason for his creation and he would be in relationship with the creator, he won’t be hopping around from woman to woman, he would be preaching to bring God’s kingdom to earth and not scattering the flock, he would be busy with God’s work(not necessarily a pastor) but by their utterances, from their mouth(twitter, Facebook , blackberry etc.) by their lives, you can tell if such a man is building people up or breaking down, if he is gathering or scattering, such a man is not a hunter, but a gardener.
We may argue that the first Adam failed because he ate the apple the first eve gave him, but that was because he failed even in his task as a gardener…
To be continued…