Akpors/Akpos Joke marathon

ImageEveryone is on the spree of joke sharing, feel free to nominate your  best Akpors joke or add any that is missing 😀 (apologies to a lady friend of mine that bears this name and also others)

Akpos goes to a Store for groceries. He finds cat food at a very special low price. He buys a dozen cans of cat food.

The manager sees this and thinks that Akpos probably doesn’t

own a cat and he might give the cat food to his children. He goes to Akpos and ask him to bring the cat as proof for him to buy the

cat food. Akpos goes and bring his cat and the manager lets

him buy the dozen cans.

A few days later Akpos finds dog

food at a low lower price. He buys adozen cans of dog food. Again the manager wants proof that he owns the dog. Akpos goes to get his dog and the manager lets him buy.

A few days later Akpos goes to the store carrying a bag. He ask the manager to put his hand in the bag and feel what is inside. After feeling what’s in the bag the manager

says, “What the f*#k? What is this? Is this sh*t?” Akpos nodded And replied,

“Yes I wanted to buy toilet paper and I don’t want you to send

me back for proof again.

Akpos was being chased by two men for one of his numerous crimes. He ran into the forest and climbed a tree, the men followed and stood by the tree where Akpos was and did not know where he entered. Angrily one of the men said: This boy don escape again. And the other man said: No worry, no be Akpos? If I call im name like 3 times he must answer… Akpos responded from the tree top and said to them: Hahahaha… If you like call my name from now till next year I no go answer you, you think say na Akpos of before be this?… =)) =D =))

The Students of Warri grammar school went on an excursion to Egypt. On one of the tombs of a certain Pharaoh was written 1102BC. The Teacher now asked; ”who knows what this means”? No one raised his/her hand except Akpos but the teacher was not comfortable and pretended not to take notice. She asked again and yet only Akpos hand was up. So she allowed him answer. Behold Akpos said, ”na him BB pin”

Teacher: Akpos, spell plantain.

Akpos: Whish one? The ripe one or the unripe one?

Teacher: What difference does it make? Just spell plaintain.

Akpos: Teasha, if you fry the ripe one na ‘DODO’, ir you fry the unripe one, na ‘KPEKERE’, if you roast am na ‘BOOLI’. All of them na plantain. Whish one u want make i spell?

Akpos got Drunk & came home late,Quietly took the Laptop & started working 2avoid Dad’s Scolding.

Dad:Akpos, u are Drunk?


Dad:D then what are u doing with My Suitcase!!

Hahahahahaahaha hhahaha…..foolish boy

Akpos came back 4rm d village n told his girlfriend he bought a BB 4 her. She kissed him with so much

excitement n rushed 2 check his bag 4 d BB…

GIRLFRIEND: “Akpos, where is the BB? I can’t find it”.

Akpos replied, “You no see that Beans n Bread 4 nylon”?

Akpos no go kill person for this country ooooo,

Akpos went for baptism,the Pastor baptised Akpos by dipping his head in water 3 times. At the 3rd time he said: “You are now baptised, u are a new creation the old you is gone. No more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is now Jacob.” Jacob went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Harp Lager beer,dipped it in water 3 times and said: “You are now a new creation. The old one is gone, u are now Orange juice =)) =)) #:-s

Akpors again Chai!! Akpors joined the Nigerian Army. After the hard training he received, Akpos successfully passed. At the passing out ceremony the commandant assigned the postings.

Commandant: Ambali kuka!

Ambali: Sir!

Commandant: Posted to abuja.

Ambali: Yes sir, thank u sir!

Commandant: Muniru Sulai man!

Muniru: Sir!

Commandant: Posted to warri

Muniru: Yes sir, thank u sir!

Commandant: Akpors Ojong Itikoloko!

Akpors: Sir!!

Commandant: Posted to Maiduguri

Akpors: Retired Sir . =))

Akpors don come again. During an exam, Akpors kept looking under the table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him doing that & thought he was copying. When collecting the paper after the exam*

Teacher: I’m gonna minus 10 marks.

Akpors: Hiiaaa!! Why sir?

Teacher: For copying.

Akpors: How do you know that I was copying?

Teacher: I saw you looking under the table.

Akpors: *laughing*but Question 9 said, “STUDY THE TABLE BELOW ”


~*~ AKPORS and his Teacher ~*~

Teacher: Who is the president of Nigeria?

Akpors: I don’t know madam.

Teacher: U need to focus more on your studies.

Akpors: Please madam, can I ask u a few questions.

Teacher: Yes, go ahead.

Akpors: Do u know Rita?

Teacher: No.

Akpors: Do u know Joy?

Teacher: No.

Akpors: Do u know Kate?

Teacher: (Angry) Hell no! Who are all these people and why do u


Akpors: You need to Focus more on your husband.

Akpors letter Dear Aunty Dolly,

I am 23 years old and haven’t had my period. My

little sister – Eferurobo is 17 years old and has had

her period since she was 13. I’m ashamed to talk

about it to my friends because I don’t know if I

have a problem of developing slowly….. Or does it take longer when you are a boy?

Yours faithfully


About cknaija

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